나에게: 우아나설정이제그만할래걱정안하고말해서니가지금뭐해아우웃겨진짜웃긴다다른사람신경쓰지말고그냥하아아그냥살아풋왜슬퍼다른사람들이문제있으면너의문제아니야편하게살아ㅋ불안하지말고공부좀해라알지니걱정하는사람있소ㅋ그래풋뻥치지마아이고아이고글써으으으응ㅂ끝어뿅ㅇ

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머라아파이혼란한상태니가모르나봐우리관심을하고걱정을하고니가모르나봐지금내가몰라정말라어디실수했나봐그랬으면미안해죄송해근데무슨일인데우리는말할수없어내가바보야바보이런일땜에울어그냥모르는척그렇면아는사이도아닐까내가화가아니고당황해볼쌍해왜왜말을못해안해내가안해이렇게걱정되고내가죽어도멀라그래안녕히계세요몸이잘챙겨주세요.

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psyching myself out, always psyching myself out.
putting myself down, over and over again.
it's such a joke that my greatest enemy is myself.

going through all this, i wonder if i have had worst.
i wouldn't be given something more than i can handle, yes?
i have to pick myself up, redeem myself.
as bad as things get, it will pass.

i need a time out.

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i always forget this. :3 ㅋㅋㅋ i always remember to do this at a weird time at night... ~_~
things are finally started to look better... ^___^ ...and, they better be.
i start being lazy... ;; procrastinates forever. i'm losing my ~sense of accomplishment~
this point is pointless. 

i shall be more constructive...  hmm. 
i need more sleep! so i shall go get some.
goodnight. x 

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everyone cries, everyone. no matter how happy they look.

got a haircut... a while back. it's weird how i don't feel that it's not short enough. ~____~ i'm feeling down in the dumps lately. but problems will pass, i hope. :) trying to look at it in the most positive light, if not i'll start worrying people. :| sucks to have a crisis in the middle of common test.

my mind's been all over the place lately, i apologize. i feel like a big fat blob of disappointment, hur. i need hugs ㅋㅋㅋ
i will have to believe that everything is going to be okay. it will work itself out, somehow. 
clings onto delusional blanket of false hope. ㅎ...ㅎ..ㅎ.

goodnight.

you're probably a really nice person if i ever get the chance of knowing you well enough, but i don't have that honour. maybe someday, hun. ^___^

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i haven't made a post in forever gesjhiesj.  i don't even remember the last time i posted.
i've been trying to find time for everything... trying to sleep more, trying to work out more... trying to stop getting sick.
in the past month, i don't remember how many times i've seen the doctor... my attendance is pretty crap. T_T
(i'm secretly hoping i've been losing weight from being sick. >/////<)

i've been feeling accomplished... but i kinda feel like i haven't accomplished anything at all. ._.
i don't know what to say but i have a lot of things to say.
IDEK I'M CONFUSED THIS IS A SHORT POST I NEED SLEEP K. i miss everyone anyone you you you!!!
goodnight.

...

DAT ASS.

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this post was brought to you by myungsoo's fall and fuckaz's clothes.

hi, i'm sorry i allowed this to die for awhile~
but i'll talk about christmas eve and new year. christmas eve was spent on orchard, crowded as hale, we ate mos burger and attracted attention and also did emma's surprise birthday event on orchard road lmao.
new years eve, we went to flee, ate and sat around. we went back to lynn's and watched gayo. the highlight of the day was counting down and drinking hooch/Q and going all high and laughing at unanimate objects and neela, then dancing to yayaya and random songs and screaming buck raps. ; A; we slept, woke up, ate and went to another flee. L O L.

school has started, i feel weird. .__. i don't think my mind is used to it yet but i'm forcing it to start adapting to the fact that i'm already in sec 4.

it's really a new year. instead of it being a better year, i'm having to handle more crap and continue acting like it's not bothering the 물고기 out of me. (hi susu, 물고기 reference 8D)
somehow, i'm supposed to be able to move on and pretend not to know anything. if i don't, i'd affect the people around me. i don't want to see them upset, so i'd rather be happy. i know mom gets really upset but she can't show that she is. sometimes, when i look around, i know everyone is holding it in. nothing bothers me as much anymore, not even the bunch of 못된 지지배들 with their nonsense.
i guess it's better not to think about crap that makes me sad, even when i have to deal with it everyday. :)

going to meet cyn/rayray/sharon tomorrow at nyp open house omg \o/ only thing i'm looking forward to l o l.

now, who's up for some math? ^____^ (or chinese, take your pick.)

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go put your hands up.

today's song choice was brought to you (well, me) by susu~ 문이 닫히면.
this is the first song that i've cried when i've only heard it the first time.
probably because the teaser was all ;_;

(ot: i've been rewatching too much nevermind the buzzcocks nowadays. it's so amusing. ♥)

christmas is almost here... i can't believe it. .___. the year is almost ending.

and why the kitty picture? ...it's cute, don't deny it. ^___^
i want a kitty but i'm afraid of hurting small things. .___. hmm.

i'll make it a super short post~ idk what to say. :)
i had a feast with lynn, sharon, siyuan and belle today? HEHEHE.

"행복한 꿈 속에 빠진 아이같이 손잡고 날아가 그대들과 나 같이."
ilu junhyung, lmao.
문이 닫히면 made me cry, 'thanks to' might. ~__~ wut iz dis.

빠이염 \o/♥

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hi, rina, yes i read your posts. even though you told me not to. ~_~
it is awesome. >: you speak for me hurhurhur.
the song choice would be the whole of fcuz gorgeous ep. ^___^ 징징징~

i found out jess had only one ear piercing. and was all happy cause' i only have one too... it's just... yeah, weird. k i'll stop. >___<

i spent saturday in the north (north-west? according to sharon, who lives there. ;_;), i don't think i've been to cck at all before...
it was my first ride on an lrt, LOL. it was so amusing at the jyp auditions, sharon and i were just standing aroud being awk and checking (or trolling) on people. then we got bubble tea and got into the waiting room. ㅋ
i don't know whether we had a crew picture... or where it'll be uploaded. ; A; wru crew~
lynn was osm ㅎㅎㅎㅎ
it was a day of 'good luck... good luck' 'next 10 please' 'sshhhhhh' 'do you sell fish?' 'cd?cd?cd? (LOL)' and the briefing that i still remember.
then, hanging out at orchard for a short while. >___<
tlist, let's do this together somewhere else ;; (apparently yg auditions are only... HUR).
shall not make a long post. ~___~

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why am i such a confused child?

today's song choice: all sorts of precious.
i dug it out from my youtube favourites. this makes me feel fuzzy (히잉ㅠ). ;_;
yes i blog at late hours and listen to songs that make people sleepy. ^__^
i was looping midnight sun for the duration of the day though... now i sound angsty and sad (and like a f.cuz stan) cause' of my song choices.

last week, oh darn. i'm too lazy to talk about it. but it was interesting.
after i got back from camp, i left the house with another bag 3 hours later, for another 3 days.
it was the first time i didn't take a shower for more than 2 days, but no one knew until i realized. ^^v
5 hours of sleep for 2 nights. ~_~
i met majority of the tlist though, always prection. :')

i tend to think about crap more when i'm sick, ide.
wait, i'm sick like almost all the time... -___-
i don't know how we arrived at the topic, but bro and i were talking. it made me kinda upset that i don't really have anything i'm awesomely good at.
there's nothing i'm currently really into doing, even if there is, i'm not good at it. most of the things that i end up having to do, i have no passion for and i don't really wanna do.
go be good at something, vern.

...i forgot what i wanted to say for the rest of the post. /sigh/

i. hate. how. easily. my. emotions. change.
damn, if only i could stay happy for the duration of the day.

i kinda wanna curl into a... no not a hole, that's not comfortable. let me just have a nice corner to crawl in and rot.
my house is small and an available corner is where alvin sleeps... (can we switch places, alvin?)

i forgot why i was even all sad in the first place. it's frustrating.
so there's no reason to be upset now... right? ^__^
okay, now i just sound like an idiot. :') ㅋㅎㅋㅎㅋㅎㅋㅎㅋㅎㅋ

no wait, now that i think of something else, i'm getting angsty lmao.
i shall just go to sleep. ._______.

i shall leave you with this to feel #foreveralone to.
g'nite.

follow my blog with bloglovin.

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i wanna get a tattoo like this one day. of words. i just might.

the past few days were nice... i think i forgot what i did... but it was nice.
out with yuwen on friday. OH LOL. it was amusing. i owe her money now. >___< we should meet up more k. ;_;i think i stayed at home and watched maidsama the whole day on saturday...

met ikin for a short while on sunday at PS with lynn~ ate at mos and met rayray at bugis!
we got koi for sharon and jace and proceeded to expo ~__~
hurhur last day of IT fair ... so. many. things. on. sale. w; A;w fml.
there was a flea market a few halls down and... holy. ; A;
we must go to expo more... yes, we should.

netball outing on monday at ecp.
rented a bike, it felt nice to have ~wind in your hair~ after not riding a bike for... years.
it rained, drizzled, rain, drizzled. got soaked while riding back.
worst of all, my phone ran out of money. T_T

this morning, i had breakfast with mom~
went to the post office afterwards with my package for rina! ㅎㅎㅎㅎ
shipping to the US is delayed and you'll have to wait longer for your presents, waifu. ^^
cathay to meet lynn and haleeda~ (stop calling her haeli, vern omg).
made an extra board \o/ had starbucks and walked around cathay feeling huuuuuur at all the cute things.
came home and had dinner with the whole family.

...then i packed for camp. which i will be leaving for tomorrow. until the 3rd.
but i most probably won't be home until... the 5th? crosses fingers for the whole of this week.
i don't even know what to think. ;_; 3rd. 4th. hur. i shall pray.
tlist~ i'll see you~ ^____^

now i'll go wipe my nose. /sniffs/
stay safe~

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같은 하늘 다른 곳에 있어도, 부디 나를 잊지 말아요.  

i always feel the need to write blogs at around 11... and with a rather 진지한 song choice.
today's choice would be an almost oldie but goodie cause it's luna. 잊지 말아요.
iris makes me sad. D<

i've got quite a lot on my mind, but i'll try to organize them and... uh, not forget them. ㅎㅎㅎㅎ
the first thing i want to say has been on my mind since tuesday, i didn't really know whether i should say it.
probably because i don't know how serious it is, or whether i should dwell on it.
overthinking (+920313 thoughts) makes vern a girl that lacks sleep.

mom casually told me she thinks she might have breast cancer.
how do you think i'd be able to accept that as casually as she said it?
i pestered her to go for a check-up and asked when is her next visit to the doctor. next year, due to the fact that the doctor gave her half a year of medicine.
she's taking it quite lightly and it has been bothering me.
hur. /chucks it in a corner of my brain/

i tend to take other people's worries as my own. i need to stop doing that, i'm aging faster.
and on the other hand, i worry about my own worries too much. yes, good job.

i'm just staring at this page for half an hour, forgetting what i wanted to say. 대박.

ah, next week is camp. hm, next week.
more caffeine for me next week.
after camp, instead of being able to pack and rush down to see them, dad is making me attend some crap compulsory thing with my brothers on the 4th.
i'll pack my things and go to whatever it is and rush down afterwards, i guess. ._.
i was planning to overnight, but now i can't. tlist, plans for 4-5th? ^^ ikin, are we going to be hobos? ㅋㅋ
shet, if they don't stay till the 5th i'm going to headwall.
didn't expect that many things to cockblock me. /sigh/

i have now been looking at this page for an hour.
안녕히주무세용♥
stay safe.

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사랑은 죽을거라고 그까지 사랑 따윈 끝낼꺼라고.

i wlll never complain if school holidays are 'too long'. okay, maybe i will due to a few reasons.
but i'd rather a long break. and it seems that this break might be coming to an end too fast.
i haven't got anything done, dear. >_>
there's things i look forward to, and things dread like hell.
but the thought of school is so horrible. next year is sure as hell going to be horrible.
dad reminded me to throw away the things i don't want cause' there's a pile.
i just gave him an excuse and said there were things i needed next year, but i just didn't want to touch anything school related. hur, i'm lazy. but i feel guilty of not doing anything. -__- i hate last minute rush but i do it all the time...

theme song of the moment: midnight sun.
and no, i don't relate to the lyrics. ㅎㅎㅎ
it's just on loop and i think i don't even think i like the song that much. it's just a nice song to loop... ide.
and just because rina linked me to it, this is so amazing.
and because it is true, red eye flashes twice.

so, i was suppose to get contacts. and no, now i don't.
shall continue to be the nerd i am. /pushes glasses up/
cause it's costly and requires dad to give me a lot of money every few months and he'd rather not. LOL.
my eyes and nose are sensitive as crap anyway (like me? 8D)
i can sit in front of a fan and start crying, so i'll be good in a drama, cast me? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
i've been having flu for the past 3 days... YES, AGAIN.

i think is now becoming a problem.
on saturday morning, i couldn't sleep until 4am. and woke up at 9. and was groggy the whole darn day.
i even took out lynn's present, the eyemask. desperate measures.
i ate flu meds and slept #likeaboss for both weekends. it's like my new sleeping pill.

long post is long.
but awww, kof/laguna etcetc. felt like a dream. it was quite fun and i won't forget so many things.
so happy for lynn, still. ㅎㅎㅎㅎ andria emma yvonne lynn everyone everyone lmao.
okay, i want food. ._. haven't ate at all today. not all that hungry but i want food!!!! \o\ /o/
food, where are you?
남냠냠냠냠냠얌.

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maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright.
the more things seems to change, the more they stay the same.

it's a rainy sunday.
there's something about being home alone, being hungry, bored and having that bittersweet feeling on (rainy) sundays.
is it not raining for you? well, switch it on.
i don't even know how to describe how i'm feeling. maybe the meds are doing this to me.
i'm feeling okay, but when i start thinking about the coming week, or just... anything, i get upset again.
this is my current jam. and this is so sweet, brings back memories. this cheers me up. ㅎㅎ

i'm such a sap. delusional sap i am.
hurhurhur i shall stop dreaming.
i wonder if i'll ever be really good at something. i wonder if there'd ever be something i want badly and will do anything to get.
sometimes, i give up too easily. i'm always thinking that i'd never get it. i'd never be able to. someone will always be better than me.
then i'll just stand and watch. i'll watch the next person get it. i'll dwell on the fact that i didn't get it. i'll regret. i'll be jealous.
this applies almost everywhere, in anything that happens.
oh vern, what are you becoming?

hmm i wish i could run away from anything and get away with it.
...i'm still mad butthurt about a lot of things. .____. oh well.
i need to stop making a post that talks about 65241 different things ㅋ
my awesome memory limits my post to here.

왜 그렇게... 멋져... 후... 미워할래야 미워할수없는 오빠...

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close your eyes and listen to my heart. listen listen listen, girl.

good evening, happy pepero day, happy 11/11.
guess who spent today being a zombie? ._. i want my pepero. ;_;
the worst thing is to wake up sick.
woke up in the morning sobbing cause' i felt like poop, which did not help at all.
left to see the doctor alone since everyone had to leave for school/work.
went to mom's to eat breakfast, then went home and napped all the way.
all my meds, except for the antibiotics, cause drowsiness. even as i'm writing this now, i feel like sleeping. fail.
the doctor asked if i wanted mc for tomorrow and i just said no. if only i had known my meds made me groggy. :/

i will have a very hard time trying to stay away in school tomorrow. >_>
at this rate, i'm not going to get better.. omg doc, why didn't you just issue me a 2 day mc.
everyone's gonna be asking why i'm in school when i'm coughing all over everyone. D<
i hate coughing. you cough and people like to go ಠ_ಠ at you. ; A; i can't help it, woman.
my meds are actually making me feel worst. ._. i'm groggy, faint and want to vomit but can't. f m l.
i read bro's 'proteomics' notes as 'poreotics' notes and almost wanted to ask him why he was learning about the poreotics boys.
my sentences sound like loud whispering... or grunting. lol, disturbing.
my bro always falls sick after i do.. (still remembers the chicken pox) and he's got a sore throat, that's how i started to get sick. ._.
go take your vitamins and don't come near me! >:

on the less gross note, lynn is back~ hehe welcome back.
may tomorrow pass by quickly. ~_~
ignore any typos in this, my eyes are half-closed.
hur. /rolls away/

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one step forward, two steps back.

today was slightly unproductive. and, i kinda wish i always show the nicer side of me.
i don't like getting angry, i don't like being an ass. why is it that i still am one?
i shall just learn to keep my remarks to myself and hide my emotions better.
i like to overthink things, hur.
this reminds me about something senior minister goh said, there's no such thing called total happiness.
my unhappy jam? net happiness.
kekeke.

i need to learn to prioritize~ no, seriously. ._. stop being so lazy, vern. D<
it doesn't feel like monday to me though. it feels like a thursday, friday. i just really want the week to end.
today isn't a good day. sore throat's been bothering me like crazy. woke up with no voice.
thank you sharfana for the strepsils. ❤
having people smoke around me doesn't help, urgh.
but no no no, i shall be happy... though the week has nothing to be happy about.
okay something just cheered up my day just as i'm writing this. a few particular beasts. /looks at tlist/
i totally forgot what i need to talk about in the post. (don't i always?)
my tlist is happily flailing over tlist now so i shall just join in.
^_^ㅃㅃ

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i'm not a good person. somedays, i thought i was. but, no. oh, it's 23:33? (ke, why do i also make blogposts at this hour.)

i feel horrible. it isn't about what others had done to me, or whether they're nice at all. but it matters that i'm not a very good person.
i have a sailor mouth. i'm selfish, self-centered, rude, unreliable, sarcastic at inappropriate times. judgemental, indecisive, short-tempered and too sensitive and even complacent.
i probably have haters reading this going 'tch, you realized.'
though i would have my good moments, it hit me that if i'm that horrible, being good doesn't matter at all.
/sigh/ i don't know how to end this post because i can go on rambling about my bad points.
i could really use a nice sweater, caramel tea, a muffin and some nice sunshine and wind.
i have 2 of our those 5 things, caramel tea and a half eaten muffin. but it's late now and everyone's asleep, so eating in the dark is creepy.
i need to stop wanting things. and being jealous.
i need to stop swearing. guys, give me a punishment for swearing and i'll do it. ; A;
i'd go to sleep though, but i can't sleep.
maybe listening to 붙박이 별 would help, but i don't want to fall asleep crying.
i'll be my thoughts aside for today and try to sleep, bye.

조금 더 일찍 이런 생각을 하지 못했던 걸까, (왜 그런걸까?)
다 부질없는 후회 다 끝난 일인데.

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i want a break. anywhere, anywhere is fine, just take me away. >:

long weekend ahead! \o/ i want to paint my nails, but i can't. .__. /looks at bare nails/
the start of today was horrible, but as the day went on, it got better.
my internet is forever wonky.

waifu rina wants me to join NANOWRIMO. woman, how am i s'pose to finish 50 000 words by the end of this month? ಥ﹏ಥ?
time is not on my side but it's really tempting. i'm tempted now, lol. okay, fine, i want in. but my brain's dead and i don't know what to write. i can't repeat 1 word 50 000 times either. hur, cries forever, why are you tempting me to do this, rina?

it's coach's birthday today. o: yeah okay. xD
mom bought my sloan's liniment (or something...). it says "KILLS PAIN" in bold. thank you, mother. :')

happy deepavali~

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diaf extended curriculum. huuuuuuuuur.
i don't remember the last time my body ached like this. even as i'm typing this, my fingers hurt. i'm literally lying flat on the floor and typing this, but i still hurt everywhere. salonpas, let's be friends.
yay, training tomorrow. ಠ_ಠ thank god for deepavali on friday.
it'll take time to get used to it.
/rolls around/ okay i'm too tired to think, bye.

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lynn will be in taiwan for a couple of days, will miss you. >: come back fast and i'll bring you to the super awesome stationery shop!

today was an interesting day, although it was tiring. i was damn tired during class today, kept wanting to fall asleep. ; A;
mom came to meet ms tan, lol she's so cute (i mean my mom...). my results are damn disappointing. /cries forever/
went out to bendemeer mall to hang out with mom! she's the most qt thing ever omg.
we were debating on what to eat for lunch and we jinxed on mac d's and kfc (but i was joking, duh, she wasn't...)
she wanted kfc.
i started to whine and go like "mom, won't your doctor mind?" and she's like "he doesn't care, it's once in awhile anyways!"
...and so i got to eat 치킨!  ㅋㅋㅋㅋ수수 8D
my mom's super qt about missing fried chicken lmao <3
lynn called me while i was walking around with my mom and she was at sentosa with alina etcetc (i only heard alina on the phone lmao).
i wanted to go so badly but i had training /sobs/ apparently really sweet jap guys were hitting on her. ;~;
rushed back to change for training. was super nervous about the new coach. D:
this is the first training with her so i don't know what to think about it... i just know i'm very, very tired.
probably because i haven't had training for a long time? >:
most of the training was on ballwork so my arms hurt, huuuur. we had match and physical.
i got to play GS for the first time ~_~ though i suck at it.
came back and family rushed me out to eat dinner. bak kut teh~ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ /feels fat/
grocery shopping at ntuc~ there was a point we were searching for mom throughout the place and i got so tired that i just squatted down beside our basket and hobo'd.
i have 7D dried mangoes! omnomnomnom.
there's a ton of things i wanted to talk about but i forgot. >: i still have work to do and i can't really remember what they are now.

i can't get dongwoo's qt out of my head. ㅠ!ㅠ! ...you you! |D
i'm also probably giving a lot of people a bad impression that i'm partially crazy or something. ._. i'm not, guys, it's all a matter of sleep! ...k as if anyone believes me. @_@
뿅.

be a man! do the right thing! LOLOLOL.

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